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You are here: Home / Family / For mums and dads / Unpacking The Crazy

Unpacking The Crazy

7 February, 2014 By Joy Adan Tagged With: mum life 2 Comments

Ok… where do I even begin? This year has been insane. I’m still in denial that we’re already well into February; I can’t even remember what the hell happened in January. Ok, that’s not true. I remember. I think I’d just rather forget.

I started the year off all rosy and hopeful (read: ignorant), believing that this was the Year of Awesome. Instead it’s just become the Year of No Sleep, Early Wake Ups, Working Back Late, Working From Home, Feeling Suffocated and Swamped, Workmates Resigning.

Argghhhh… it’s Friday evening and I’m on the train home and it feels like my brain is going to explode.

Ok.

Breathe.

Step back.

You know what? I can totally deal with this. There are about ten million little to-dos flying around my head and things I have to sort out and tackle… but I can totally do this. Right? RIGHT?! Yes. Right. I will start by getting the ten million things down. On paper this screen. Then that stuff will morph into a list. If I can write things down and get it into a list – a long, categorised (probably colour-coded) list – I won’t feel so bad. My life won’t be an overwhelming mess. Instead it’ll just be an overwhelming… list. Then once I’ve got the list down, I’ll turn it into a plan. Yes… that’s what I’ll do. I will turn the “crazy” into a list of crazies plan. A plan that I can look at and cry work through systematically.

Here goes:

  • My child is growing. Really fast. And I have no idea what I’m supposed to do with him (or me). He is getting smarter, stronger and more adventurous – all of which are good things. But sometimes I look at him and am baffled by his cleverness and the way he can now demand his way. He’s an active, adventurous little tike. And by adventurous I mean he likes to throw himself at me with glee, completely ignorant of all the laws of physics, gravity, or my inability to appropriately catch/lift 12kg of solid baby fat. He also likes to demonstrate his strength with relentless kicks and/or head butts, and I fear his careless “tossing aside” of toys will soon lead to a broken window, shelf… or face. He has learnt how to kiss and cuddle though, and that, I’ve got to say, is one of my favourite things to do. Now that I’m writing this it’s easy to forget what all this growing and changing actually entails. In brief it means lots of clothes to wash and sort, daycare paperwork to fill out and pay, finding decent resources for managing and disciplining a toddler, redeveloping his lunchbox and dinner menus with food he will actually consume (as opposed to throw), and booking in First Aid refresher course (I’m kidding about the last one… although it probably couldn’t hurt).
  • With all this demanding motherhood business to sort through, I’ve come to realise… I’m a pretty horrible wife. Thanks to the early starts and late nights in the office my husband is often left to pick up/feed/bathe our Little Growing Person while I log on to my iMac and churn out another dozen emails and a handful of documents. And if I’m not working, my brain is so fried and I’m zoned out and useless. I owe my husband a debt of gratitude for the way he has picked up his game and taken the lead and been there for me and our son, especially when I can’t. When it comes to our relationship, I’ve been lazy, and I know Valentines Day is around the corner… so I should probably lift my game.
  • That said, I’m still eager to learn how to balance running a household with “full-time” work. The term “full-time” is a bit of a farce, but I’ll just have to deal with it. It’s just… working out when to do washing, plan meals, buy groceries, iron clothes, change bedsheets, vacuum and mop the floors, pay rent (btw to add insult to injury we just got a letter saying they’re increasing rent by $30/week. F***!) ,and read my goddam email inbox is haaarrrdddd…. Working it out is necessary, I know. Sometimes – when I actually get around to doing some of this – it’s even fun. But man it’s hard.
  • My house is pretty dirty. I won’t say “messy” because it’s pretty tidy (I did a really big clean out of my book shelves and Ukulele Baby’s toy boxes in early January), but if you look past the neatness you’ll probably notice a lovely layer of filth. Case in point: there is so much of my hair on our bedroom carpet that my son has noticed, will pick some up and bring it to me, carrying it in his chubby little fingers like a sacrifice to the gods. On the plus side if I say, “Oh that’s lovely! Can you please put it in the bin for mummy?” He totally obeys me. What a legend. So… yeah… this weekend: vacuum.
  • The fridge has a weird collection of left-overs in it. There’s meat that I was defrosting so I could actually cook dinner, but that hasn’t happened in over a week. Chances are we’ll have to throw it out, along with the veggies that are still sitting in the crisper compartment after three weeks. I don’t know why this is so important that it deserves it’s own dot-point on this list… guess I’m just illustrating how unorganised I’ve been lately?
  • I don’t know if it’s a great idea to start listing the things I need to do at work; we’ll be here a while. I started working a 5-day week on 13 January… but I don’t think I’ve actually worked just five days since then. Boy, did I hit the ground running. I was apprehensive about full-time work to say the least; it turns out I had every right to be. On the up side I’ve started work on a few really exciting and challenging projects. On the down side those projects were in addition to my day job, and I’ve come to realise that while taking on such projects can be professionally and personally rewarding, there are a swarm of risks and potential negatives too. Like not getting sleep. Or being constantly high-strung. Or sometimes feeling like you’re being dumped again and again by relentless waves.
  • We had a new starter join the team late last year. He’s young and this is his first 9-5 office job, so I’ve had to don my “people manager” hat and remind myself what it’s like to train someone who doesn’t have a clue how to behave in a professional environment. I really hate it when I come across bad people managers who spend all their time delegating tasks and reprimanding bad behaviour and none of their time leading, coaching or taking care of their people, and I don’t want to become one of them. Needless to say, this aspect of my job has been mentally and emotionally challenging, not to mention time consuming. I’m seeing improvement in our new starter though… which I’m hoping is real and not imagined (or at least not temporary) because the last thing I want to have to do is have “The Termination Conversation” with this kid.
  • One my best buddies at work resigned last week. She’s been my partner in crime for the last 3 years and she finally announced her resignation, and gave 6 weeks notice. I’m proud of her for having the courage to leave; she owes herself the opportunity to explore the world (or at least London, which is where she’s going) and challenge herself with new experiences and a job in the commercial sector. We’d been discussing this for months so it’s not a surprise… but the reality of the situation is starting to hit me. I’m trying not to think about the workload that’s about to fall into my lap (on top of the “awesome” projects and the day-job I’m already struggling to do), and the fact I’m not going to have a comrade sitting next to me to talk shopping/relationships/weekend adventures with, or – perhaps more importantly – no one will validate my random ideas or opinions, or listen to quite as understandingly as she does when my patience wears thin and I need to rant. She’ll be the third of my friends choosing to move overseas indefinitely (hmmmm… now that I write that, I’m wondering if they’re all trying to escape me?). I’m sad because I’ll be losing a really good friend at work. She’s one of the few people who can pick me up when things go awry (and, given all that is on my plate in the immediate months head, I imagine things will go awry… a lot). Yet I’m happy because I’ll have yet another dot on the globe to visit one day.
  • Speaking of overseas friends, (on top of being a horrible wife) I’ve been a horrible friend. I haven’t organised a catch up with any of my long-distance buddies in aaages. And God, I really miss them. This is one of the first things I will remedy this week.

Jeeezzzz… The train is about to pull in to my station, and I’m looking back at this post and, even without going into a lot of detail, there’s a lot going on here. Bleh. I need a drink.

 

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Joy Adan

I'm Joy. I'm a 30-something, storytelling, coffee-drinking, book-devouring, ocean-obsessed freelance writer, brush lettering enthusiast, speaker and content producer. You'll find some of my stories and art here, along with my advice about attempt at balancing the creative career + family life hustle.

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Finding Joy | Joy Adan
Ran the first in-person lettering workshop of 2022 Ran the first in-person lettering workshop of 2022 today! So so so blessed to introduce a group of incredible women (and their beautiful kids!) to @findingjoyau and the joy that comes with exercising our creativity. 💕

Oh yes... and I'm moving/switching up my Insta. You'll find me sharing more of my art/lettering/how-tos and all things making and creating over here 👉👉👉 @findingjoyau so give this lady a bit of love (and a follow). 

xoxoxo
Needing rest and recovery is a massive shame trigg Needing rest and recovery is a massive shame trigger for many people, myself included.

I've found this to be especially true within migrant families and communities I've worked with - rest was not an option for lots of people because it was literally a matter of work now to survive, otherwise you die.  

I know that the absence of that "threat to survival" puts me in a very privileged position. I also know that even though the pressure to survive at any cost might be gone, the expectation to overwork and overcommit still weighs heavily and still demands sacrifice - from women especially. Thankfully, I (and many in my generation) have the added privilege of better education - we now know that failure to rest when our bodies and minds need to rest leads to poorer long-term health outcomes.

So a few months ago I turned down opportunities to do amazing work with amazing companies. Instead, I decided to hit "pause" and put my health and my family first. The past 2-3 years have been a bit of a fiasco. I really had to make a call about where to spend my time and energy, and I knew that if I wanted to keep giving my best in anything - work, home or community - I needed time out before taking on new or additional challenges.  

It was (and still is) terrifying, and it took me a good few months to truly "switch off". Once I did I became so grateful that taking a break meant being able to slow down and breathe, to focus on home and health, to enjoy agenda-free days with my kids, to take the foot off the accelerator, to embrace creativity, connection and serving my community... you know, things that too often get chucked on the back burner. 

I share this because I want to normalise people taking a break when they need a break. It might just be a short break in a busy day or week, it might be a career break. Point is... we all need rest, and we should NEVER feel guilty for wanting some downtime or pausing to reprioritise, refocus or recover. 

No one else should get to determine what "success" or "productivity" looks like/means for you. 💕
Impromptu paint workshop with some little visitors Impromptu paint workshop with some little visitors today! Whipped out the watercolours and acrylics after lunch and just enjoyed some down time, playing with colour, experimenting with texture and stamping mint leaves... and discussing the fact pink is not an actual colour according to science (and then had to assure them that pink did still exist... But apparently it is just something our brains made up? What?!). 

Painting really is therapy for me. There's something primal and grounding about the activity that helps me enter a completely different space mentally and emotionally. And so it was nice to be able to offer this as a method of play and recreation (and to experience it myself).

Tip 1: Watercolours are a far less stressful way to introduce paint to little ones - find cheap non-toxic washable paint and don't stress about mixing all your colours - it's part of the fun. Embrace the mess. 
Tip 2: I have been reusing the same blue dollar store table cloth to protect our dining table for 4 years. We wipe it down with paper towels or baby wipes at the end of a painting session, and wrap it all up abd shake it off outside after a play dough session. It's getting a bit holey but it does the job. 
Tip 3: Use a clothes horse to peg up and dry paintings as kids finish them. It's pretty satisfying seeing all their pictures hanging up and shining in the sun.

🌞🖌🎨🙌🏽💕
To the woman wondering if she'll ever get through To the woman wondering if she'll ever get through her to-do list before the end of the day... you are enough. 

To the woman wondering if she's cleaning/working/playing/exercising/cuddling/learning/teaching/disciplining/guiding/supporting/giving/loving as much as she can/should... you are enough.

To the woman who can never keep up with messages and voicemails and always forgets to reply... you are enough. 

To the woman doubled over in pain because her body isn't agreeing with her and she can't access the support she needs... you are enough. 

To the woman who is run ragged... you are enough. 

To the woman who knows she shouldn't probably eat that/buy that/say that... you are enough. 

To the woman wondering if she should apply for the job when she doesn't meet all the criteria... you are enough. 

To the woman who wonders if her contribution to her home or her community will ever get the recognition it deserves... you are enough. 

To the woman who is tired of searching for a place where she is respected - not just for what she brings but who she is... you are enough. 

To the woman wishing days like this weren't so exhausting... you are enough. 

To the woman who fears (or has been told) she is intimidating (instead of confident), outspoken (instead of articulate), too soft (instead of empathetic), power-hungry (instead of hard-working), lazy (instead of balanced)... you are enough. 

To the woman wondering what her worth is when so many are seen, recognised, paid and promoted before she is... you are enough. 

To the woman feeling uncertain, afraid, exhausted, frustrated, alone, restless... you are enough. 

To the woman who hopes and works hard for a better world for the future, wondering if we'll ever get there... you are enough. 

The world needs you, whether you're ready for battle or ready for rest. The world needs you, whether you're certain or still seeking. The world needs you as you are, because you are unique and irreplaceable. You are worth celebrating, today and everyday. 

You are enough. 

--- Tag a sister who needs reminding. ❤ xoxo

#iwd2022 #internationalwomensday #sisterhood
Yesterday marked the start of the Lenten season fo Yesterday marked the start of the Lenten season for millions of Catholics around the world. The road to our usual church was blocked yesterday due to floodwater, but thankfully some the rain eased and I could make it to morning Mass today. 

This week the skies are heavy, as are the hearts of many who have lost their homes and their peace - whether due to war or natural disaster. And so I pray. I pray because I know I need to ask for God's grace and mercy - I know I am so small and unable... but when He guides me I can see more clearly where to serve, how to help, where to channel my energy, time and resources... 

When it's all too much and I am unsure, this is the place I can return... knowing that the time I spend in His presence empowers me in a way no human eye can see.

If there is something you would like me to pray for, especially this Lent, let me know (you can shoot me a message too), and I'll bring it to our Father with love. ❤❤

#Lent #Lent2022
Went to Mass this morning after a very restless ni Went to Mass this morning after a very restless night. The Gospel was about a man who had brought his child to the disciples asking them to heal the child from convulsions that would often put him in physical danger. The disciples were unable. Here's part of the the conversation Jesus had with the father: 

"Jesus asked the father, 'How long has this been happening to him?' 

'From childhood,' he replied 'and it has often thrown him into the fire and into the water, in order to destroy him. But if you can do anything, have pity on us and help us.' 

'If you can?' retorted Jesus. 'Everything is possible for anyone who has faith.' 

Immediately the father of the boy cried out, 'I do have faith. Help the little faith I have!'" For the full Gospel, see Mark 9:14-29

Yes, this Gospel is a reminder that anything - and everything - is possible for anyone who has faith. But, as Fr Redmond pointed out this morning, it's also about believing that our faith has the ability and opportunity to grow. Faith isn't a one-off grace or gift we get once. It's a seed that is planted, it is something we can nourish and nurture. It is something that can wane when challenged or ignored. 

Simply put, faith is something we shouldn't take for granted. Faith required prayer, action and desire on our part.

That exclamation from a father desperate to do whatever he can to save his son is a prayer. It is a cry for help to God, asking him to increase and strengthen his faith. "Help the little faith I have!" he pleads. 

O Lord, that I may be humble enough to come to you and request the same when my faith is too small and I put limits on your grace. Help the little faith I have.

ID 1: An open page of a dot grid journal. The words “I have faith. Help the little faith I have” are lettered in pink ink. A pink Pentel Brush Sign Pen lies on an angle in top right corner. 

ID2: A golden tabernacle is in the centre of the frame. On either side are embroidered images from Bible stories.

.

.

.

#FindingJoy #JoyAdanWrites #PursuitOfJoy #PerfectlyImperfect #PracticeMakesProgress #CalledToCreate #CreativePractice #CreativeEntrepreneur #CatholicCreative #BibleLettering #Journal
Consider this permission to slow down. ❤ ID: Op Consider this permission to slow down. ❤

ID: Open page of a notebook with lilac hand-lettering that says “Don't rush to the urgent at the expense of the important”. A lilac @pentel_australia brush sign pen lies on top the page beside the writing.
I reckon this is one of my favourite lines in “S I reckon this is one of my favourite lines in “Surface Pressure”. It's one of many truths in the song, but I love this one in particular because people who know their worth & dignity tend to light up the room. 😉

Meanwhile, we've just ended 1 week of iso.. which we spent listening to the @encantomovie soundtrack on repeat and playing Super Mario and table tennis for hours on end. Thankfully, COVID symptoms were mild and shortlived, the boys maintained good spirits, and I managed to squeeze in painting as down-time over the weekend while everyone else slept. Now to declutter my desk and get back to business.......

ID: An open page dot grid notebook lies on a wooden desk. The left page is painted with blue, gold, brown and green watercolour flowers around the border. In the centre is navy blue lettering, with the words “I move mountains, I move churches, and I glow coz I know what my worth is.”

#ink #handwriting #catholiccreatives #qotd #pentelbrushpen
Flashback to this nugget of wisdom. ❤ Wherever y Flashback to this nugget of wisdom. ❤ Wherever you are, whoever you are, may you rest in the knowledge that not only are you made to love others, you are made to receive and worthy of being loved also. 

Image: Framed image of the quote “Love is, therefore, the fundamental vocation of every human being. - St John Paul II - Familiaris Consortio” lettered in blue foil and sitting on a wooden shelf surrounded by green plants. 

#LoveIs #Vocation #Calling
#StValentinesDay
Have had the best kind of whirlwind week of weddin Have had the best kind of whirlwind week of wedding bliss!! Big big love to my Toasties @kate_samways @sammyjkerr and cuzins4lyf @philipjamolin @simmyyyy 

You both chose parts of John 15 for your ceremonies. ❤ Praying you always remember that your love for each other comes straight from the same Love that powers every good thing in this universe... that whenever you hear music that moves you, marvel at the mountains, feel the sunshine on your skin, ride the waves, or stop in awe or wonder, you remember that a spark of those beautiful things isn't anywhere as big and powerful as the spark that brought you to the one you chose to enjoy your days with. And that through every magical moment, big or small, joyful or sorrowful, that your love for each other remains powerful and complete. 🥂💕🥰💕❤
“Without God, we cannot. Without us, God will no “Without God, we cannot. Without us, God will not.” - St Augustine

Been reflecting about this one a lot over the past few weeks... about the agency we too often forfeit or conveniently forget when change demands effort and intention. We're invited to be co-creators, to be cooperators... but that in itself is both power and a responsibility (yep, just got all Spiderman on you, whoops) 😝.

I lettered this one while watching the morning surfers at Flynns Beach. The waves came in fast, strong and big that day. And the thing that kept popping into my head was the determination of the surf students as they made their way out. We can't control the waves... another power beyond us does that. But we do have to consider when we start kicking or when to jump on the board if we want to ride the waves. 

🌊
I made a thing! Finally unboxed and turned on the I made a thing! Finally unboxed and turned on the sewing machine I bought during the last lockdown. The first thing I did was “fix” a fitted sheet (by sewing a seam on the wrong side, but I mean it still fits on the bed so... It's technically fixed). And because I'm an impatient person, I jumped right into making a half-circle skirt with remnant fabric (thanks Google) and then stuffed it up by adding a pocket without really planning ahead. Because why would I even bother making clothes if they don't have pockets??

You know my love for imperfect things (the pocket kinda faces the wrong way and there's a random seam next to the pocket that makes it bunch up) 😂 but WHATEVER. It fits (*just*😝), the pocket is functional and I am wearing it today because I can. Lol. 

#WhatAmIEvenDoing #SewWhat
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