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You are here: Home / Family / For mums and dads / I want to throw a tantrum too

I want to throw a tantrum too

11 August, 2013 By Joy Adan Tagged With: motherhood, mum life Leave a Comment

Sometimes I have moments of motherly awesomeness when I feel like I have almost everything together; Ukulele Baby is behaving and eating whatever I’ve cooked him, he finds enjoyment from playing with his toys or reading his books, the house doesn’t look like a plane loaded with a Toys R Us delivery crashed into it, the kitchen sink doesn’t look like a science experiment gone wrong. Those moments are so rare I could count them with one hand. Hell I could count them with one finger.

This morning was not one of those moments.

This morning I was three seconds away from imploding. I felt like all my sanity was seeping out of my skin. For every second that my son was clinging onto my legs and crying hot, tantrum-y tears, I felt more and more like this guy:

Before I go on, I just want to say that the morning started out ok. We all slept in until 9:30am (win!) and Ukulele Baby had a pretty good appetite for breakfast (banana, pancakes with jam, cereal). He sat at the table feeding himself while I busied myself preparing breakfast and washing up yesterday’s dishes. But the moment my husband and I sat down for breakfast (a steamy bowl of rich champorado), it all started to unravel. Ukulele Baby was not the least bit interested in playing with his toys or sitting in my lap. All he seemed to want was to cling as tightly onto my pajama pants as his little hands could and cry as loudly as his little lungs would allow.

I tried to ignore it (that technique worked yesterday). I managed to eat my whole breakfast while the little screamer alerted all the neighbours of his misery and wet my pants with his flood of angry tears. He paused every now and again – long enough to even have a drink of water – but it didn’t stop for a good ten minutes. That might not sound like much but when a child is screaming endlessly those minutes feel like days. Eventually he was quiet for long enough for me to offer him a choice of going upstairs for a nap or going to the living room to play. He pointed to the living room.

We walked into the living room. Where he started another tantrum.

We figured out he wanted to watch The Wiggles on TV, which his dad reluctantly put on. He quietened down and danced (ie wobbled, shook head, clapped hands) to five songs and I decided he was calm enough for me to go to the toilet. I was wrong. I heard sobbing the minute I sat on the toilet seat. The sobbing escalated to an angry, ‘WHY DID YOU EVER LEAVE ME??!!!!’ when I returned.

I carried Ukulele Baby back to the kitchen and told him firmly I was going to put him down so I could have a drink. I put him down. He thought about what I’d just done and started screaming instantaneously. I tried to walk away. He tried to follow me and face-planted on the tiles. More screaming, more tears.

*Deep breath.*

My husband walked in to the kitchen to survey the situation: Ukulele Baby Angry Little Man is sobbing and clinging onto his Mama’s leg. Mama is holding onto the kitchen table ready to overturn and throw it at the wall (fat chance of that happening, it weighs >20kg). Like a knight he sweeps up the Angry Little Man and takes him into the backyard for distraction. I pick up my (now cold) coffee and proceed to our bedroom so I can crawl into my writing corner (ie the little space between our bed and tallboy), turn on the heater full blast and chuck my own tantrum write a blog post.

Sow now we are here.

It’s been 15 minutes and the house is quiet. I think I can hear my husband washing the dishes (bless him), and I can’t hear a peep from the Angry Little Man. I’m actually too scared to walk out of this room for fear of triggering another tantrum. I have no idea what it is that causes them. He could be sick, he could be tired, he could be going through another developmental growth spurt, he could be teething; God only knows.

Funnily enough yesterday I finished reading the section on Temper Tantrums in The Mighty Toddler by Robin Barker. Not so funnily enough I forgot every pointer she wrote in that section, and unfortunately it sounds like we’re at the very beginning of the the tantrum-throwing stage of my dear son’s development. *sigh*

I feel like an idiot for wanting to hide (but that’s exactly what I’m doing), but surely I’m not the only mother who does this? At least today I actually had the opportunity to hide because my husband was home and could pry the Angry Little Man’s hands from my legs and carry him away. On days when the Angry Little Man and I are home alone I’m not so fortunate. So right now I’m going to milk this opportunity and finish my cold coffee.

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Joy Adan

I'm Joy. I'm a 30-something, storytelling, coffee-drinking, book-devouring, ocean-obsessed freelance writer, brush lettering enthusiast, speaker and content producer. You'll find some of my stories and art here, along with my advice about attempt at balancing the creative career + family life hustle.

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Ran the first in-person lettering workshop of 2022 Ran the first in-person lettering workshop of 2022 today! So so so blessed to introduce a group of incredible women (and their beautiful kids!) to @findingjoyau and the joy that comes with exercising our creativity. 💕

Oh yes... and I'm moving/switching up my Insta. You'll find me sharing more of my art/lettering/how-tos and all things making and creating over here 👉👉👉 @findingjoyau so give this lady a bit of love (and a follow). 

xoxoxo
Needing rest and recovery is a massive shame trigg Needing rest and recovery is a massive shame trigger for many people, myself included.

I've found this to be especially true within migrant families and communities I've worked with - rest was not an option for lots of people because it was literally a matter of work now to survive, otherwise you die.  

I know that the absence of that "threat to survival" puts me in a very privileged position. I also know that even though the pressure to survive at any cost might be gone, the expectation to overwork and overcommit still weighs heavily and still demands sacrifice - from women especially. Thankfully, I (and many in my generation) have the added privilege of better education - we now know that failure to rest when our bodies and minds need to rest leads to poorer long-term health outcomes.

So a few months ago I turned down opportunities to do amazing work with amazing companies. Instead, I decided to hit "pause" and put my health and my family first. The past 2-3 years have been a bit of a fiasco. I really had to make a call about where to spend my time and energy, and I knew that if I wanted to keep giving my best in anything - work, home or community - I needed time out before taking on new or additional challenges.  

It was (and still is) terrifying, and it took me a good few months to truly "switch off". Once I did I became so grateful that taking a break meant being able to slow down and breathe, to focus on home and health, to enjoy agenda-free days with my kids, to take the foot off the accelerator, to embrace creativity, connection and serving my community... you know, things that too often get chucked on the back burner. 

I share this because I want to normalise people taking a break when they need a break. It might just be a short break in a busy day or week, it might be a career break. Point is... we all need rest, and we should NEVER feel guilty for wanting some downtime or pausing to reprioritise, refocus or recover. 

No one else should get to determine what "success" or "productivity" looks like/means for you. 💕
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Painting really is therapy for me. There's something primal and grounding about the activity that helps me enter a completely different space mentally and emotionally. And so it was nice to be able to offer this as a method of play and recreation (and to experience it myself).

Tip 1: Watercolours are a far less stressful way to introduce paint to little ones - find cheap non-toxic washable paint and don't stress about mixing all your colours - it's part of the fun. Embrace the mess. 
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Tip 3: Use a clothes horse to peg up and dry paintings as kids finish them. It's pretty satisfying seeing all their pictures hanging up and shining in the sun.

🌞🖌🎨🙌🏽💕
To the woman wondering if she'll ever get through To the woman wondering if she'll ever get through her to-do list before the end of the day... you are enough. 

To the woman wondering if she's cleaning/working/playing/exercising/cuddling/learning/teaching/disciplining/guiding/supporting/giving/loving as much as she can/should... you are enough.

To the woman who can never keep up with messages and voicemails and always forgets to reply... you are enough. 

To the woman doubled over in pain because her body isn't agreeing with her and she can't access the support she needs... you are enough. 

To the woman who is run ragged... you are enough. 

To the woman who knows she shouldn't probably eat that/buy that/say that... you are enough. 

To the woman wondering if she should apply for the job when she doesn't meet all the criteria... you are enough. 

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To the woman wondering what her worth is when so many are seen, recognised, paid and promoted before she is... you are enough. 

To the woman feeling uncertain, afraid, exhausted, frustrated, alone, restless... you are enough. 

To the woman who hopes and works hard for a better world for the future, wondering if we'll ever get there... you are enough. 

The world needs you, whether you're ready for battle or ready for rest. The world needs you, whether you're certain or still seeking. The world needs you as you are, because you are unique and irreplaceable. You are worth celebrating, today and everyday. 

You are enough. 

--- Tag a sister who needs reminding. ❤ xoxo

#iwd2022 #internationalwomensday #sisterhood
Yesterday marked the start of the Lenten season fo Yesterday marked the start of the Lenten season for millions of Catholics around the world. The road to our usual church was blocked yesterday due to floodwater, but thankfully some the rain eased and I could make it to morning Mass today. 

This week the skies are heavy, as are the hearts of many who have lost their homes and their peace - whether due to war or natural disaster. And so I pray. I pray because I know I need to ask for God's grace and mercy - I know I am so small and unable... but when He guides me I can see more clearly where to serve, how to help, where to channel my energy, time and resources... 

When it's all too much and I am unsure, this is the place I can return... knowing that the time I spend in His presence empowers me in a way no human eye can see.

If there is something you would like me to pray for, especially this Lent, let me know (you can shoot me a message too), and I'll bring it to our Father with love. ❤❤

#Lent #Lent2022
Went to Mass this morning after a very restless ni Went to Mass this morning after a very restless night. The Gospel was about a man who had brought his child to the disciples asking them to heal the child from convulsions that would often put him in physical danger. The disciples were unable. Here's part of the the conversation Jesus had with the father: 

"Jesus asked the father, 'How long has this been happening to him?' 

'From childhood,' he replied 'and it has often thrown him into the fire and into the water, in order to destroy him. But if you can do anything, have pity on us and help us.' 

'If you can?' retorted Jesus. 'Everything is possible for anyone who has faith.' 

Immediately the father of the boy cried out, 'I do have faith. Help the little faith I have!'" For the full Gospel, see Mark 9:14-29

Yes, this Gospel is a reminder that anything - and everything - is possible for anyone who has faith. But, as Fr Redmond pointed out this morning, it's also about believing that our faith has the ability and opportunity to grow. Faith isn't a one-off grace or gift we get once. It's a seed that is planted, it is something we can nourish and nurture. It is something that can wane when challenged or ignored. 

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That exclamation from a father desperate to do whatever he can to save his son is a prayer. It is a cry for help to God, asking him to increase and strengthen his faith. "Help the little faith I have!" he pleads. 

O Lord, that I may be humble enough to come to you and request the same when my faith is too small and I put limits on your grace. Help the little faith I have.

ID 1: An open page of a dot grid journal. The words “I have faith. Help the little faith I have” are lettered in pink ink. A pink Pentel Brush Sign Pen lies on an angle in top right corner. 

ID2: A golden tabernacle is in the centre of the frame. On either side are embroidered images from Bible stories.

.

.

.

#FindingJoy #JoyAdanWrites #PursuitOfJoy #PerfectlyImperfect #PracticeMakesProgress #CalledToCreate #CreativePractice #CreativeEntrepreneur #CatholicCreative #BibleLettering #Journal
Consider this permission to slow down. ❤ ID: Op Consider this permission to slow down. ❤

ID: Open page of a notebook with lilac hand-lettering that says “Don't rush to the urgent at the expense of the important”. A lilac @pentel_australia brush sign pen lies on top the page beside the writing.
I reckon this is one of my favourite lines in “S I reckon this is one of my favourite lines in “Surface Pressure”. It's one of many truths in the song, but I love this one in particular because people who know their worth & dignity tend to light up the room. 😉

Meanwhile, we've just ended 1 week of iso.. which we spent listening to the @encantomovie soundtrack on repeat and playing Super Mario and table tennis for hours on end. Thankfully, COVID symptoms were mild and shortlived, the boys maintained good spirits, and I managed to squeeze in painting as down-time over the weekend while everyone else slept. Now to declutter my desk and get back to business.......

ID: An open page dot grid notebook lies on a wooden desk. The left page is painted with blue, gold, brown and green watercolour flowers around the border. In the centre is navy blue lettering, with the words “I move mountains, I move churches, and I glow coz I know what my worth is.”

#ink #handwriting #catholiccreatives #qotd #pentelbrushpen
Flashback to this nugget of wisdom. ❤ Wherever y Flashback to this nugget of wisdom. ❤ Wherever you are, whoever you are, may you rest in the knowledge that not only are you made to love others, you are made to receive and worthy of being loved also. 

Image: Framed image of the quote “Love is, therefore, the fundamental vocation of every human being. - St John Paul II - Familiaris Consortio” lettered in blue foil and sitting on a wooden shelf surrounded by green plants. 

#LoveIs #Vocation #Calling
#StValentinesDay
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“Without God, we cannot. Without us, God will no “Without God, we cannot. Without us, God will not.” - St Augustine

Been reflecting about this one a lot over the past few weeks... about the agency we too often forfeit or conveniently forget when change demands effort and intention. We're invited to be co-creators, to be cooperators... but that in itself is both power and a responsibility (yep, just got all Spiderman on you, whoops) 😝.

I lettered this one while watching the morning surfers at Flynns Beach. The waves came in fast, strong and big that day. And the thing that kept popping into my head was the determination of the surf students as they made their way out. We can't control the waves... another power beyond us does that. But we do have to consider when we start kicking or when to jump on the board if we want to ride the waves. 

🌊
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You know my love for imperfect things (the pocket kinda faces the wrong way and there's a random seam next to the pocket that makes it bunch up) 😂 but WHATEVER. It fits (*just*😝), the pocket is functional and I am wearing it today because I can. Lol. 

#WhatAmIEvenDoing #SewWhat
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