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You are here: Home / Me Time / The curse of the working mum

The curse of the working mum

16 May, 2017 By Joy Adan 15 Comments

Hi there. Just thought I’d pop in and write something, lest you think I’d fallen off the face of the earth. This blog always seems like the first ball I drop once life starts getting a bit busy… and well… I’ve been juggling a lot. Serves me right for writing a post about how to stay organised. The Universe read that post about bullet journaling and laughed and laughed.

Today, I’m not laughing. Today, I am infuriated. I am pissed off. I am fed up. And I’m going to vent it all out on this blog, so if you don’t like swear words, then consider this your warning and stop reading now.

So…

Today was shit.

I have spent the last week stressing out. If I look back, I’ve actually spent the last month stressing out because I’ve had so much going on, and in the back of my mind I am trying to work out when and how I am going to balance life when the time does come for me to go back to my desk job in the city which, when factoring in school and day-care drop-off, will take a good 2 – 2.5 hours each way, door-to-door. *sob* But let’s just focus on the last week, yeah?

Last week everyone decided to get sick at once. It is really hard to write, edit or design anything half decent when your head is foggy, your nasal passage is congested and there is no medication you can take because you’re breastfeeding. On top of that, your body is operating on 45-minute blocks of sleep. (It really doesn’t help that my husband snores like a truck when he’s sick, so it’s basically impossible to get shut-eye when I am dealing with his thunderous breathing and a snotty 9-month-old who is also angry at the world because teeth are literally cutting through his gums atm. And then Mr 5 crawls into our bed because “cuddles” but then does not in fact cuddle but spends most of the night kneeing me in the back and/or face). Talk about #exhausted.

Last Thursday, I decided to put my “grown up” pants on/bite the bullet/insert-adulting-related-cliché-here, and I made a deal with my mother-in-law, who generously agreed to take care of Mr Z while I got a few solid hours of work done at the library.

I have a love/hate relationship with working at the library. I love that it has free wifi, a proper desk, a comfy chair and space and quiet to actually work. But I hate that I have to pack up all my stuff whenever I need a toilet break. So, truth be told, every time I’ve tried working at any library, I only last 1-2 hours. But what do you know; today I surprised myself. I plugged in my earphones, put on some acoustic guitar instrumentals, and found myself in a really good rhythm. I ticked off a big part of a design project I’m working on.

Woohoo, I thought, totally high-fiving myself as I packed up my stuff and walked to the car.

That awesome feeling of accomplishment lasted about 5 minutes.

I exited the lift, turned the corner, and there it was. A yellow envelope. A goddamn parking fine. With a time stamp just 20 minutes after my car was due to exit the parking lot.

Faaaaaaaark.

I got in the car, turned on the engine and did everything I possibly could to not cry. I failed. I burst into tears and yelled every curse word I could think of at the steering wheel.

Because I already felt like shit leaving my kid with someone else just so I could get work done. While I was working in the library, I overheard kids and mums clapping and singing to the Baby Rhyme Time session and a part of me died inside. But the real cherry on top is to have all that time away from my kid and all my effort go down the toilet by having to spend whatever I earned to pay a goddamn parking fine.

It’s like the Universe is punishing me for being productive. If I’d only lasted the 1-2 hours I normally would at a library, and stopped when I expected myself to stop, I wouldn’t have gotten the ticket. If those acoustic guitar instrumentals hadn’t been so damn effective and I hadn’t just powered through to finish off that one big item on my to-do list, I would’ve packed up at the right time, exited the parking lot and avoided this feeling of complete and utter stupidity.

Fuuuuuuck.

How I deal: I went to Hungry Jacks drive-thru, ordered the $5 Whopper Junior deal and ate the ice cream first. Because YOLO.
How I deal: I went to Hungry Jacks drive-thru, ordered the $5 Whopper Junior deal and ate the ice cream first. Because FTS.

On days like this, I throw my hands up in the air and curse every single person who has ever told me the lie that women can have it all.

Because we can’t.

Being a working mum is shit. Something always has to give. There are only so many hours in a day, and if you’re spending them with your kids, then you’re not working, and if you’re working then you’re not spending them with your kids and if you’re like me and a million other mums out there and you’re hustling hard to do both, then it means you’re definitely not spending enough of those hours sleeping, and the likelihood is you’re stretched so thin that you always feel like you’re not doing either of these things particularly well.

So it seems that the curse of the working mum is if your heart isn’t breaking, your sense of ambition and accomplishment is, and if those two aren’t breaking, then your body probably is. 

Fuuuuuuck.

So much for happy mother’s day, eh?

If you’ve managed to get this far into my rant, thanks a million. And if you’re a working mum and reading this and thinking “get over it, Joy, I’ve had way worse,” I’m so sorry. Feel free to share/rant in the comments below. We all have bad days.

Before I end though, here’s a bit of encouragement. You know me; I hate to leave it on a bad note. 😘

"Life is tough my darling, but so are you." Bespoke brush lettering, handmade by @joyadanwrites. Order at findingjoy.shop

Note to self: Tomorrow is a new day. Also, pay closer attention to parking signs and the fucking time.

 

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Hi

Joy Adan

I'm Joy. I'm a 30-something, storytelling, coffee-drinking, book-devouring, ocean-obsessed freelance writer, brush lettering enthusiast, speaker and content producer. You'll find some of my stories and art here, along with my advice about attempt at balancing the creative career + family life hustle.

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Ran the first in-person lettering workshop of 2022 Ran the first in-person lettering workshop of 2022 today! So so so blessed to introduce a group of incredible women (and their beautiful kids!) to @findingjoyau and the joy that comes with exercising our creativity. 💕

Oh yes... and I'm moving/switching up my Insta. You'll find me sharing more of my art/lettering/how-tos and all things making and creating over here 👉👉👉 @findingjoyau so give this lady a bit of love (and a follow). 

xoxoxo
Needing rest and recovery is a massive shame trigg Needing rest and recovery is a massive shame trigger for many people, myself included.

I've found this to be especially true within migrant families and communities I've worked with - rest was not an option for lots of people because it was literally a matter of work now to survive, otherwise you die.  

I know that the absence of that "threat to survival" puts me in a very privileged position. I also know that even though the pressure to survive at any cost might be gone, the expectation to overwork and overcommit still weighs heavily and still demands sacrifice - from women especially. Thankfully, I (and many in my generation) have the added privilege of better education - we now know that failure to rest when our bodies and minds need to rest leads to poorer long-term health outcomes.

So a few months ago I turned down opportunities to do amazing work with amazing companies. Instead, I decided to hit "pause" and put my health and my family first. The past 2-3 years have been a bit of a fiasco. I really had to make a call about where to spend my time and energy, and I knew that if I wanted to keep giving my best in anything - work, home or community - I needed time out before taking on new or additional challenges.  

It was (and still is) terrifying, and it took me a good few months to truly "switch off". Once I did I became so grateful that taking a break meant being able to slow down and breathe, to focus on home and health, to enjoy agenda-free days with my kids, to take the foot off the accelerator, to embrace creativity, connection and serving my community... you know, things that too often get chucked on the back burner. 

I share this because I want to normalise people taking a break when they need a break. It might just be a short break in a busy day or week, it might be a career break. Point is... we all need rest, and we should NEVER feel guilty for wanting some downtime or pausing to reprioritise, refocus or recover. 

No one else should get to determine what "success" or "productivity" looks like/means for you. 💕
Impromptu paint workshop with some little visitors Impromptu paint workshop with some little visitors today! Whipped out the watercolours and acrylics after lunch and just enjoyed some down time, playing with colour, experimenting with texture and stamping mint leaves... and discussing the fact pink is not an actual colour according to science (and then had to assure them that pink did still exist... But apparently it is just something our brains made up? What?!). 

Painting really is therapy for me. There's something primal and grounding about the activity that helps me enter a completely different space mentally and emotionally. And so it was nice to be able to offer this as a method of play and recreation (and to experience it myself).

Tip 1: Watercolours are a far less stressful way to introduce paint to little ones - find cheap non-toxic washable paint and don't stress about mixing all your colours - it's part of the fun. Embrace the mess. 
Tip 2: I have been reusing the same blue dollar store table cloth to protect our dining table for 4 years. We wipe it down with paper towels or baby wipes at the end of a painting session, and wrap it all up abd shake it off outside after a play dough session. It's getting a bit holey but it does the job. 
Tip 3: Use a clothes horse to peg up and dry paintings as kids finish them. It's pretty satisfying seeing all their pictures hanging up and shining in the sun.

🌞🖌🎨🙌🏽💕
To the woman wondering if she'll ever get through To the woman wondering if she'll ever get through her to-do list before the end of the day... you are enough. 

To the woman wondering if she's cleaning/working/playing/exercising/cuddling/learning/teaching/disciplining/guiding/supporting/giving/loving as much as she can/should... you are enough.

To the woman who can never keep up with messages and voicemails and always forgets to reply... you are enough. 

To the woman doubled over in pain because her body isn't agreeing with her and she can't access the support she needs... you are enough. 

To the woman who is run ragged... you are enough. 

To the woman who knows she shouldn't probably eat that/buy that/say that... you are enough. 

To the woman wondering if she should apply for the job when she doesn't meet all the criteria... you are enough. 

To the woman who wonders if her contribution to her home or her community will ever get the recognition it deserves... you are enough. 

To the woman who is tired of searching for a place where she is respected - not just for what she brings but who she is... you are enough. 

To the woman wishing days like this weren't so exhausting... you are enough. 

To the woman who fears (or has been told) she is intimidating (instead of confident), outspoken (instead of articulate), too soft (instead of empathetic), power-hungry (instead of hard-working), lazy (instead of balanced)... you are enough. 

To the woman wondering what her worth is when so many are seen, recognised, paid and promoted before she is... you are enough. 

To the woman feeling uncertain, afraid, exhausted, frustrated, alone, restless... you are enough. 

To the woman who hopes and works hard for a better world for the future, wondering if we'll ever get there... you are enough. 

The world needs you, whether you're ready for battle or ready for rest. The world needs you, whether you're certain or still seeking. The world needs you as you are, because you are unique and irreplaceable. You are worth celebrating, today and everyday. 

You are enough. 

--- Tag a sister who needs reminding. ❤ xoxo

#iwd2022 #internationalwomensday #sisterhood
Yesterday marked the start of the Lenten season fo Yesterday marked the start of the Lenten season for millions of Catholics around the world. The road to our usual church was blocked yesterday due to floodwater, but thankfully some the rain eased and I could make it to morning Mass today. 

This week the skies are heavy, as are the hearts of many who have lost their homes and their peace - whether due to war or natural disaster. And so I pray. I pray because I know I need to ask for God's grace and mercy - I know I am so small and unable... but when He guides me I can see more clearly where to serve, how to help, where to channel my energy, time and resources... 

When it's all too much and I am unsure, this is the place I can return... knowing that the time I spend in His presence empowers me in a way no human eye can see.

If there is something you would like me to pray for, especially this Lent, let me know (you can shoot me a message too), and I'll bring it to our Father with love. ❤❤

#Lent #Lent2022
Went to Mass this morning after a very restless ni Went to Mass this morning after a very restless night. The Gospel was about a man who had brought his child to the disciples asking them to heal the child from convulsions that would often put him in physical danger. The disciples were unable. Here's part of the the conversation Jesus had with the father: 

"Jesus asked the father, 'How long has this been happening to him?' 

'From childhood,' he replied 'and it has often thrown him into the fire and into the water, in order to destroy him. But if you can do anything, have pity on us and help us.' 

'If you can?' retorted Jesus. 'Everything is possible for anyone who has faith.' 

Immediately the father of the boy cried out, 'I do have faith. Help the little faith I have!'" For the full Gospel, see Mark 9:14-29

Yes, this Gospel is a reminder that anything - and everything - is possible for anyone who has faith. But, as Fr Redmond pointed out this morning, it's also about believing that our faith has the ability and opportunity to grow. Faith isn't a one-off grace or gift we get once. It's a seed that is planted, it is something we can nourish and nurture. It is something that can wane when challenged or ignored. 

Simply put, faith is something we shouldn't take for granted. Faith required prayer, action and desire on our part.

That exclamation from a father desperate to do whatever he can to save his son is a prayer. It is a cry for help to God, asking him to increase and strengthen his faith. "Help the little faith I have!" he pleads. 

O Lord, that I may be humble enough to come to you and request the same when my faith is too small and I put limits on your grace. Help the little faith I have.

ID 1: An open page of a dot grid journal. The words “I have faith. Help the little faith I have” are lettered in pink ink. A pink Pentel Brush Sign Pen lies on an angle in top right corner. 

ID2: A golden tabernacle is in the centre of the frame. On either side are embroidered images from Bible stories.

.

.

.

#FindingJoy #JoyAdanWrites #PursuitOfJoy #PerfectlyImperfect #PracticeMakesProgress #CalledToCreate #CreativePractice #CreativeEntrepreneur #CatholicCreative #BibleLettering #Journal
Consider this permission to slow down. ❤ ID: Op Consider this permission to slow down. ❤

ID: Open page of a notebook with lilac hand-lettering that says “Don't rush to the urgent at the expense of the important”. A lilac @pentel_australia brush sign pen lies on top the page beside the writing.
I reckon this is one of my favourite lines in “S I reckon this is one of my favourite lines in “Surface Pressure”. It's one of many truths in the song, but I love this one in particular because people who know their worth & dignity tend to light up the room. 😉

Meanwhile, we've just ended 1 week of iso.. which we spent listening to the @encantomovie soundtrack on repeat and playing Super Mario and table tennis for hours on end. Thankfully, COVID symptoms were mild and shortlived, the boys maintained good spirits, and I managed to squeeze in painting as down-time over the weekend while everyone else slept. Now to declutter my desk and get back to business.......

ID: An open page dot grid notebook lies on a wooden desk. The left page is painted with blue, gold, brown and green watercolour flowers around the border. In the centre is navy blue lettering, with the words “I move mountains, I move churches, and I glow coz I know what my worth is.”

#ink #handwriting #catholiccreatives #qotd #pentelbrushpen
Flashback to this nugget of wisdom. ❤ Wherever y Flashback to this nugget of wisdom. ❤ Wherever you are, whoever you are, may you rest in the knowledge that not only are you made to love others, you are made to receive and worthy of being loved also. 

Image: Framed image of the quote “Love is, therefore, the fundamental vocation of every human being. - St John Paul II - Familiaris Consortio” lettered in blue foil and sitting on a wooden shelf surrounded by green plants. 

#LoveIs #Vocation #Calling
#StValentinesDay
Have had the best kind of whirlwind week of weddin Have had the best kind of whirlwind week of wedding bliss!! Big big love to my Toasties @kate_samways @sammyjkerr and cuzins4lyf @philipjamolin @simmyyyy 

You both chose parts of John 15 for your ceremonies. ❤ Praying you always remember that your love for each other comes straight from the same Love that powers every good thing in this universe... that whenever you hear music that moves you, marvel at the mountains, feel the sunshine on your skin, ride the waves, or stop in awe or wonder, you remember that a spark of those beautiful things isn't anywhere as big and powerful as the spark that brought you to the one you chose to enjoy your days with. And that through every magical moment, big or small, joyful or sorrowful, that your love for each other remains powerful and complete. 🥂💕🥰💕❤
“Without God, we cannot. Without us, God will no “Without God, we cannot. Without us, God will not.” - St Augustine

Been reflecting about this one a lot over the past few weeks... about the agency we too often forfeit or conveniently forget when change demands effort and intention. We're invited to be co-creators, to be cooperators... but that in itself is both power and a responsibility (yep, just got all Spiderman on you, whoops) 😝.

I lettered this one while watching the morning surfers at Flynns Beach. The waves came in fast, strong and big that day. And the thing that kept popping into my head was the determination of the surf students as they made their way out. We can't control the waves... another power beyond us does that. But we do have to consider when we start kicking or when to jump on the board if we want to ride the waves. 

🌊
I made a thing! Finally unboxed and turned on the I made a thing! Finally unboxed and turned on the sewing machine I bought during the last lockdown. The first thing I did was “fix” a fitted sheet (by sewing a seam on the wrong side, but I mean it still fits on the bed so... It's technically fixed). And because I'm an impatient person, I jumped right into making a half-circle skirt with remnant fabric (thanks Google) and then stuffed it up by adding a pocket without really planning ahead. Because why would I even bother making clothes if they don't have pockets??

You know my love for imperfect things (the pocket kinda faces the wrong way and there's a random seam next to the pocket that makes it bunch up) 😂 but WHATEVER. It fits (*just*😝), the pocket is functional and I am wearing it today because I can. Lol. 

#WhatAmIEvenDoing #SewWhat
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